A few hours later,
“All packed and ready my nieces, nephews, big brother Jad?” asked mace with happiness inside her.
“Yes, aunt mace!” they all shouted back
“All those years I’m an aunt and I didn’t realize it, Jad why didn’t you come with us to Italy? Asked mace, trying to change the subject, Jad mumbles beneath his breath,
“Come on I’ll be outside, waiting!”
The family all leave the house and jump in the mini bus full of joy. On the way to the airport, Mace asks again Jad.
“So why did you not come with us to Italy?”
“Look my sister, me and our mother had an argument, I wasn’t really keen on going to Italy with you, I still wanted to finish my education here, in the heart of Beirut so I escaped, and this is why you wouldn’t know about me.” Said Jad without looking into mace’s eyes because of shame. As tears ran down both their faces, they realized that they had reached the airport.
When they got their bags checked in Salar checked the departure times.
“The flight is delayed for two hours!” Salar shouts running back. All of their hearts sink,
“But the hospital just called, she’s in a really bad condition, it can happen anytime!” mace starts crying, they all come round to comfort her.
“It’s all right; we’ll make it in time.” Replies Jad
The families wait in the airport, they finally depart Lebanon and reach Italy, and they hurry to the hospital. Their mother’s room feels very depressing; it feels as if they are in a cemetery. The view of their mother brings more tears into all of their eyes,
“Mum, Please don’t leave us, and please forgive me to what I have done
Answers:
since most of it is verbal, you cannot change the words and make it more professional without it sounding like harvard graduates talking. it would make a great story if you added more details though. because most of it is words, i know they are at the airport and that their mother is sick, what does the airport look like? what do the people look like? it would be, "Salar shouts running back, all of their hearts sank...", because your writing in past tense.
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! I'm gonna get 10 points! Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!
mom: "screw you"
Are you out of your damn mind? Do you think complete strangers is going to help you with this? For free? Whaaaaa...??
Do not understand sorry
I do my own work when I have the flu, so can you.
"UM NO" ....but hope ya feel better soon
Mum - I hate you and I always have.
Then she dies.
This will not get me 10 points but that is not very well written at all. Sorry it needs a major overhaul.
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