What's the funniest inscription you've ever heard of on a gravestone?

Question:We all know Spike Milligans. I once read about the inscription on an atheists gravestone. 'All dressed up and nowhere to go.'

I told you I was ill! (real hypochondriacs inscription! lol)

I was born, then I wed, nagging wife, now I'm dead!

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Born 1903-Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down.
It was.
In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up And no place to go.
On the grave of Ezekial Aikle
in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:
Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102.
The Good Die Young.
In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:
Anna Wallace:
The children of Israel wanted bread,
And the Lord sent them manna.
Old clerk Wallenstein wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.
In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:
Here lies Johnny Yeast.
Pardon me
For not rising.
In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery:
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.
In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:
Here lays The Kid.
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger
But slow on the draw.
A lawyer's epitaph in England:
Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.
John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne,
England cemetery:
Reader, if cash thou art In want of any, Dig 6 feet deep; And thou wilt find a Penny.
In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:
On the 22nd of June,
Jonathan Fiddle Went out of tune.
Anna Hopewell's grave
in Enosburg Falls, Vermont
Here lies the body of our Anna -
Done to death by a banana.
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low, But the skin of the thing that made her go.
On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket,
Under the sod and under the trees,
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod.
Pease shelled out and went to God.
In a cemetery in England:
Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I.
As I am now, so shall you be.
Remember this and follow me.
To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:
To follow you I'll not consent
Until I know which way you went.
Martha Fuch
"I TOLD you i was sick!"
rest in pieces
See Ya or the future epitaph of

Seacrest Out
"In the end, it's only other people who die." Marcel Ducamp
"I told you I was sick".
the hypochondriacs -- "I told you I was sick"
if you heard one trhat is scary
to my beloved sex machine!
Did I leave the oven on?
could'nt wait to die
he died he lived but now hes dead
I told you I wasnt feeling well
If you ever dig me up, Dont lift up the bottom have of the coffin. Im not wearing pants!
"Not dead, only sleeping"

It's on the stone next to my mother's. Every time I see it I think "You got that the wrong way around." I wish someone would change it to "Not sleeping, only dead."
'A trumpet sounded, Peter said 'come',
The pearly gates opened and in walked Mum.'
I also heard someone said about a lawyer's gravestone.."Here lies a lawyer and lies still"
Juanita says:

"pimpin' all over the world..."
her lies gay dick
came to life with nothing and died with nothing
was brought into the world by a beeotch and died with a beeotch at my side

they were all crass but made me giggle for a moment at the time---some peoples humor---goodness
Last Known Whereabouts
v'll miss you insread of we'll miss you
weird huh?
On a hypochondriac's grave:

See. I told you I was SICK!
"Where art thou are
Let thy wind go free
As that was the death of me"

Saw it on a tombstone in a churchyard - laughed when I saw it, couldn't believe my eyes!
Chiseled in Stone my words are few,
Where you now stand, I once Stood too
Harken all that pass me by
Life is but a one-time try
She always said her feet were killing her
but nobody believed her.

Born 1903 - Died 1922
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if
the car was on the way down.
It was.
I like this one -


Free your body and soul,
Unfold your powerful wings,
Climb up the highest mountains,
Kick your feet up in the air.

You may now live forever,
Or return to this earth
Unless you feel good where you are!

- Missed by your friends.


With friends like those, who needs enemies! Lol.
Not necessarily funny - more unfortunate i'd say!!


Free your body and soul
Unfold your powerful wings
Climb up the highest mountains
Kick your feet up in the air
You may now live forever
Or return to this earth
Unless you feel good where you are!

Missed by your friends

This is a genuine headstone in Montreal's Cimetiere Notre-Dame-des-Neiges. It reads fine at first, until you notice the acrostic formed by the first letter of each line!

Sorry RM - didn't see your answer until after I'd typed mine!!
**** i had to do it
(Note, the Epitaph was in all capital letters)


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