Answers:
Even if there is actual 50/50 custody (as opposed to say, 50/50 physical and 0/100 legal), schools often have a records system that holds one primary address. When a mailing has to go out, someone clicks a mouse and a printer spits out one address label per student.
It's best to have whichever parent is in the school records as primary address this-- schools get lots and lots of angry phone calls from non-custodial parents trying to do an end run around their custody decrees, so if the custodial parent of record makes the request to have your child's record flagged for double-mailings, it will carry more weight.
And, frankly, if a high school child is upset to witness this, the high school child should say something to the teachers. I have more than once witnessed a child who says to teachers, "You only need to notify the one parent; my other one has nothing to do with me" and then turns to the upset other parent and says, "Gosh, mom/dad, I don't know why they're doing this. It sure makes me upset too."
schools favor the parent who has been granted primary care by the courts. Someone needs to take responisiblity for the child, and the courts determine who that is in a divorce. The secondary parent only has as many rights as the court and the primary parent grant. The school cannot get involved in this or do anything the primary parent does not allow. You imply that this is not always in the best interests of the child; unfortunately, sometimes children suffer when parents do not get along.
In the case of a divorce, there is usually a custodial parent. This is usually the parent on record at the school. It isn't meant to be anything personal towards the other parent. It has a lot to do with the laws that are in place. If you are being left out of the loop at your child's school, talk to your ex (if possible) and make sure that you are being kept informed of what is happening. If that is not possible, then call the school and ask to speak to the counselor. He/she should be able to help you get the information that the primary parent is receiving. If the counselor isn't a big help, talk to the principal, and if necessary, the central office administration. I know it can be a sticky situation. Also, sometimes the teacher does not know the entire family situation. I am sure it is not intentional that that this is happening to you. Just make sure that all parties involved know and understand that you want to be kept informed just as much as the primary parent. As a teacher, we want both parents involved 100% in a child's education. Actually, all it may take is a phone call to your child's teacher to start getting the information that you want. Good luck!
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