in which we make up funny things in history that failed due to their ineptitude, bad design or just plain uselessness. (Oh boy!) You like to make up funny things don't you?
In part 1, you get to come up with dinosaurs that were short-lived, evolutionary mishaps. If you want you can include the reasons why too.
Example:
The Premature-Ejaculasaurus (big-dissapointment lizard)
This creature fell to extinction well before the female-orgasmazoic period due to his ineffective mating habits.
A close relative to the Two-Minute-Timophelus (wham bam thank you ma'am lizard)
or
The Hungrisaurus Rex (mouthless lizard)
Ill equipped to consume enough food to sustain its massive body, this would-be voracious predator had to suck insects through his nostrils to feed and became extinct in the frustracious period about 600 million years ago.
You don't have to come up with a period and all that but a description would be good.
Answers:
Buttplugasaurus this dinosaur had serious digestive problems and if it wanted to live it had to only drink for nourishment. Since Jamba Juice hadn't been invented yet it couldn't get a protein smoothie and unfortunately starved to death.
Crotchasaurus this particular type of dinosaur was in the habit out of instinct to sniff the crotch of other dinosaurs. Eventually one day you will sniff the wrong one and you will probably be eaten alive. We can all learn from this ones fatal flaw.
Lemmingus due to the lack of amount of the species this breed only lasted a few seasons as once a year these dinosaurs were known to act in a similar manner to the commonly known lemmings who every year throw themselves off a cliff and plummet to their untimely demise.
Bipolarnathus was a dinosaur that from birth never had a chance. Due to a chemical imbalance suffered from severe depression for a portion of a year then was manic during the rest. The only reason this species lasted as long as it did is due to the manic stages but eventually due to its own self doubt and wild outburst it became extinct because of its high tendencies to commit suicide.
wowsabillyoynx this creature was too smart for his own good and soon discovered that he could only ever love himself. But for fun he would try and out rhyme other dinosaurs untill one day he just went too far.All the dinosaurs decided to teach the wowsabillyoynx a lesson he would never forget. First the Randallsaurus stalked the wowsabillyoynx to find out where he goes so they could then use annonnymousasurus to attracted the wowsabillyoynx over with her intelligence and advanced reasoning skills. While the numbsainasurus used his lassoing techniques to tie up the wowsabillyoynx then jumped into a barrel because he scares easily. This then allowed time for the guinnessasurus to relieve herself on wowsabillyoynx to distract him from noticing that the staceybasaurus was positioning herself in order to hide wowsabillyoynx so he would now be unable to love himself because he would forever smell and nobody loves someone who stinks that bad. Now unable to reproduce the wowsabillyoynx became extinct but however did live longer than he would have if not for the staceybasaurus hiding the wowsabillyoynx.
The Thesaurus - dinosaurs were not able to live by words alone.
Oneleggasourus. You first have to think of this dinosaur as an adolescent. He was made fun of because he had to hop everywhere on his one leg. He was very slow and couldn’t do any sports. It was only when he grew up and started dating the other dinosaurs that his redemption occurred. This happened when the lady dinosaurs realized that his one leg wasn’t actually a leg, and was actually his really massive …….. well use you imagination. The ladies loved him, but due to not being able to walk after the lady dino’s found out he perished very quickly.
Schizoattentiondeficitasaorus. This dino loved to eat all of the other dinos. He was very small but due to his condition he would constantly eat all the time, and forget about what he was doing. He would later be killed by other dinosaurs because he couldn’t keep quiet when the larger dino’s were on the prowl. He kept yelling ROAR ROAR.
Vicaasorus. This dino got into trouble when he was caught by the mother dino for getting smaller dino’s together and making them fight. But vicaasorus didn’t go to the tar pit because he had lots of food, so he got a slap on the tail, and 1,000,000 years with the probationsaurus.
Parisaurus. This dinosaur was killed by the meteor that struck the earth. And by that I mean the meteor hit her directly. Noone knows why…. But that’s the way it is.
Lindseysaurus. This dino screwed up everything and later turned into a different kind of breed. The I’mtalentedbutcantseemtoget anthingtogetherrightnowbe causeiamanidiot withalotofmoneyasaurus. This breed seems to reoccur over the years, but never reproduces.
whoops, bipolar spoken for...
1] Anorexus; starved its species into extinction during the bulimozoic era.
2] Impotentus Gargantuan; could never get it up to reproduce, the female of the species gradually gravitated over to the boneardsaurus during the viagaric era.
3] Pizzaresius; every other carnivor's favorite dish during the Jurassismine era, never stood a real chance of survival.
4] Homosaurus Rex; just not into reproduction, were nonuterusally challenged, and lived quietly for 300 years in the nonovarious region.
5] Egocentrus Maniacus; unable to engage in socialization, loving only itself, this massive skulled creature was known to stare at its reflection in the lake regions for a short time during the masturbatious era.
6] Flatulentusaurus; This large, gas producing herbivore was ostracized by all other living creatures during the odiferous era. Forced out by others into the desert regions, it eventually starved into extinction.
7] Terrordactil; unusual flying lizard, afraid of its own shadow, was unable to hunt in the sunlight, and fearful of the dark, doubtlessly destined for failure as a species.
wow bill, I've always loved your sense of humor, but you are being a tad vicious toward me this time... so I shall add
8] pussysaurus; formerly known as Guinnessaurus, reduced to weeping status by bullying billyrubinous rex.
FLATULENTASOURUS - Diet consisted exclusively of stink weed. Entire herds of them expired at feeding time from methane gas asphixiation. They occasionally caused collateral damage to other species who quickly learned to stampede to another distant valley whenever the Flatulentasouri arrived. The Crotchasaurus was particularly attracted to the Flatulentasourus which also contributed to the eventual ex-stink-tion of the Crotchasaurus. Flatulentasouri had only a rudimentary olfactory ability. The species ultimate downfall can be attributed to an evolutionary accident when females began to develop a more refined sense of smell and would no longer associate with males of the species. New research shows that 80% of the current hole in the earth's ozone layer was caused by the Flatulentasourus.
STACEYBASAURUS - Juveniles of the species were known to be particularly mishevious and exhibited uncontrollable tendancies to mimic each other. The fate of the entire species was doomed in one cataclysmic event when a male sibling dared his sister to stick a Pizzaresius up her butt. All the other juvenile females followed this example and they all eventually died from chronic bowel obstruction when the Pizzaresii found this was a very good place to hide.
ANNONNYMOUSAURUS - The most intelligent dinosaur ever to roam the earth. However, their heads became so large and heavy their movement was slowed to a shuffle while dragging their ponderous pates across the ground. They became easy prey even for the Pizzaresius. Although the Annonnymousaurus possessed very advanced reasoning and verbal skills, they could never convince any predator not to eat them.
SMARTASSAURUS - Due to a genetic mutation, the Smartassaurus required a diet extremely high in fiber because their excrement also functioned as their cerebral matter. The species prospered for a remarkably long time during the Shifferbrainial Period. However, their path to extinction was rather short and followed from a rampant epidemic of virulent diarrhea incident to widespread consumption of copious amounts of bad spinach.
RANDALLSAURUS - Little is really known about this relatively obscure species. The only evidence of its existence is confined to limited areas on either coast of North America around present day Hollywood and New York City. It is believed extinction of the Randallsaurus may have been caused by a severe addiction to pop culture and stalking celebrities during the Cretinaecious Period. Every fosilized remains of a Randallsaurus is found among a pile of petrified DinosaurUS magazines.
GUINNESSAURUS - The Guinnessaurus is the evolutionary predecessor of the Welsh Terrior. One of the smallest dinosaurs ever known, the Guinnessaurus was extremely hyperactive and emitted an aggrevating, shrill yelping noise incessantly. The species was an extremely loyal and devoted companion to whatever other dinosaur family it attached itself to for survival. Ill equipped to hunt or forage for itself, the Guinnessaurus adapted by allowing itself to be domesticated by other species which tended to be the messiest eaters of the day. The Guinnessaurus had a unique ability to retrieve stuff (most of it useless) and was a constant source of amusement to the family to which it was attached. Unfortunately, a congenital bladder weakness ensured the extinction of the species that was commonly eradicated for relieving itself once too often in the host dinosaur's den.
NUMBSAINASAURUS - The only species on record with a single specimen. The Numbsainasaurus was a dinosaur of prodigous intellect and vast abilities. Some believe had this species survived its evolutionary descendants quite possibly could have rivaled Homo Sapiens for domination of the planet. Poet, sage, scientist, philosopher, fly fisherman, sharpshooter, mechanic, and rodeo clown only begin to describe the depth and breadth of this amazing creature's capacity. Truly a species before its time, the solitary Numbsainasaurus existence ended along with any hopes for possible perpetuation through cross breeding the moment the dinosaur realized he was nothing more than the figment of his own imagination.
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BOOHOOHOOADON - The species had no redeeming social skills whatsoever and was picked on by all the other dinosaurs at every turn. Living a sad and lonely existence, Boohoohooadon decided one day that if all the other dinosaurs had such disdain for his species they must be right and that all Boohoohooadon were a collective boil on the behind of all dinosaurdom. So, the next day the entire Boohoohooadon nation everywhere arose and ate all the children of the other dinosaurs which is the real reason why there are no more dinosaurs on the earth today.
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